soft grumbles

How many poets and writers have used the candle as a metaphor for life? I can still hear Elton John quoting Carl Sandburg saying "our lives are like a candle in the wind" as he sang for Lady Di before her interment. Edna St. Vincent Millay went as far as having her candle burn at both ends, to signify how fast life is here on earth. A candle is the most appropriate symbol to describe life. It is that flickering motion of light, dancing with the breeze, trying to stay alive, that best describes how life can be. Light that can be snuffed out with a sudden gust or a gentle blow of air from ones lips just like our lives which can easily be taken away from us.

I've often wondered why life has been made as vulnerable as a candle's light. One day it came to me. It was made this way so that we would value it more, and take real good care of it. This led me to the question why were we born? A Powell Davies said it best when he said, "Life is just a chance to grow a soul." We are here on earth to learn how to be happy and how to be sad; to stand up when we stumble; to rise to the occasion when needed; to be socially adept; to nurture and to provide; to give and receive; to experience sorrow and despair; days of wanting and times of plenty; to soar to great heights. Without these, our lives are worthless for these are experiences we need to attain a soul and be ready for heaven.

When I got word that Lynne had passed away, I was still surprised even though I've learned several years ago that she was terminally ill. I am glad I never got to see her at the brink of death. Even if my wife had been told that her spirit was high during her final moments, still I would only like to remember what she was and how she had been when we were together. It might sound a bit of a cliché but it
seems like yesterday when I first saw her on her motorbike driving from home to school. You should understand that during those days, that was an uncommon sight and so I was really impressed. No, I was not impressed that she was driving a bike to school but because in those days, one already knew that she had character. That she was her own person. That she was a determined woman who knew what she liked and knew how to get it.

She was my partner in crime from first year till we parted ways after graduation. When I got married and had my first child, she was the first one to come for a visit while my wife was heaving in pain, counting how far apart the contractions were. Naturally, she was first on the list as one of the godmothers to our first born.

It just seemed so impossible that death should come to her, young, vibrant and witty as she was. And yet, it did. It is during these times that I know how small I am, that I am not invincible and that life as I know it should cease one of these days. As I ponder her untimely demise, I wonder what her purpose in life was. It was to share with us her optimism, her wonderful view of the world, cheerfulness in find meaning in everything we do, and yes, to enjoy life. Looking at it from this perspective, now I know that she did not die in vain. I am certain that Lynne had not only earned a soul, she earned a happy, smiling one she really deserved.

How does one say goodbye to a dear friend. One does not. That would be very painful. So, to Lynne, where ever you are, I'd just thank you for the memories. Hopefully, I'm also bound to where you are now and one of these days, we will be jamming again!