soft grumbles

 Spare the rod and spoil the child!”

“It takes the whole village to raise a child”

A wise man was once approached by a pregnant woman. She asked the wise man, “How old should my child be to start teaching him to be disciplined?” The wise man asked her, “How many months have you been pregnant?” The woman said, “three months along the way.” The wise man said, “Oh no, you are three months late!”

These are some of the anecdotes and sayings about child rearing I have come across and obviously my favorites.  Actually, there is no fool-proof way to raise a child.  This is because as the child grows, a lot of factors kick in like the environment, the media and peer pressure to name a few.  Some of these are beyond a parent’s control.  Just the same, it would be wise to study some useful nuggets of wisdom here and there and feel what one thinks is most apt given a situation.

Now that we have raised four children, my wife and I are down to enjoying four grandchildren.  Sometimes, we are at odds ends deciding our actual roles in their development. Are we not obligated to raise them properly? Is raising them the sole responsibility of the parents? Should we not be in complete control ourselves? Are all we shall be good for is to enjoy, pamper and spoil the children?  My best guess is no, and I am betting my bottom dollar (kasama na pamato) that we are just as responsible.  In the villages of Africa, probably having observed how lions behaved where the lionesses take turns in caring and rearing for the young. These lionesses are the hunters of the pride and yet, during a hunt for food, one or two adult females are left behind to tend for the young.This is extended to breast feeding.  A lioness who has just given birth will feed on another mother's offspring.   The male, supposedly the king of the jungle, waits for the kill and yet, will have the privilege to eat first.  Well, his responsibility is to secure the safety of the territory and the whole pride, a not so simple task considering that his stay with the pride lasts for two years the longest and another takes over.   This probably is the source of the saying, “It takes a whole community to raise a child.”  I believe the wisdom it partakes.  Consistency is one of the key elements for a child to distinguish and remember what is good and what is right.  If one of the caretakers do not re enforce a lesson, the child is most likely not to learn it. 

Will it be wise to give in to a child’s wishes especially when our patience is being challenged and in all desperateness, just because we have a lot of things to do,i.e.  surrender our cellphones so that they will be off our backs? It does not take a rocket scientist to know that that is not what one should do.  If we give in to their wishes, we are letting them discipline us and not the other way around. 

“Spare the rod and spoil the child” has been with us for a very long time.  The non-advocates would have probably frowned upon this nugget of wisdom because it has been abused. The older generation, and by that, I mean generations much older than I am, believed the rod to mean a literal one. Thus termed as the "carrot and the stick" once referred to as reward and punishment where they took the punishment literaly with a slap or beating for a misdeed.  Times have changed and the rod is now more of a symbol of discipline. Not giving into the demand of a little boy is a rod.  Not surrendering to the outlandish cries of a toddler and sticking to your decisions is a rod. 

 We must remember that life is about choices. Our choices determine what kind of life we shall lead. We should let our children reap from their correct choices and suffer from the wrong ones. They will learn more from the results of their actions than being told of the consequences.

Parenting is no easy task.  One has been blessed to take care of God’s gift, we should not ruin it.  In the end, a child who has grown believing of false entitlement and undisciplined will prove to be a lonely man, all alone with everybody hating him or her and will never earn true respect and admiration from peers but instead will be loathsome and hated for his/her self-proclaimed privileges.

Labels: child rearing, parenting