soft grumbles

An Ode to Lilith

We should have been equals –
not a shadow or a second thought
born from your ribs,
but a soul forged
from the same earth and dust.

We were equals then.
No mention of Eden’s gate,
no serpent’s hiss,
no crimson fruit –
just fire—my passion,
fierce and untamed.

Why label me tramp,
cradle-snatcher,
devil incarnate?
You punish me
for claiming the path
to my own pleasure—
a place no man has dared to find.

Had you only let me,
paradise would not be
unknown to man.

 Spare the rod and spoil the child!”

“It takes the whole village to raise a child”

A wise man was once approached by a pregnant woman. She asked the wise man, “How old should my child be to start teaching him to be disciplined?” The wise man asked her, “How many months have you been pregnant?” The woman said, “three months along the way.” The wise man said, “Oh no, you are three months late!”

These are some of the anecdotes and sayings about child rearing I have come across and obviously my favorites.  Actually, there is no fool-proof way to raise a child.  This is because as the child grows, a lot of factors kick in like the environment, the media and peer pressure to name a few.  Some of these are beyond a parent’s control.  Just the same, it would be wise to study some useful nuggets of wisdom here and there and feel what one thinks is most apt given a situation.

Now that we have raised four children, my wife and I are down to enjoying four grandchildren.  Sometimes, we are at odds ends deciding our actual roles in their development. Are we not obligated to raise them properly? Is raising them the sole responsibility of the parents? Should we not be in complete control ourselves? Are all we shall be good for is to enjoy, pamper and spoil the children?  My best guess is no, and I am betting my bottom dollar (kasama na pamato) that we are just as responsible.  In the villages of Africa, probably having observed how lions behaved where the lionesses take turns in caring and rearing for the young. These lionesses are the hunters of the pride and yet, during a hunt for food, one or two adult females are left behind to tend for the young.This is extended to breast feeding.  A lioness who has just given birth will feed on another mother's offspring.   The male, supposedly the king of the jungle, waits for the kill and yet, will have the privilege to eat first.  Well, his responsibility is to secure the safety of the territory and the whole pride, a not so simple task considering that his stay with the pride lasts for two years the longest and another takes over.   This probably is the source of the saying, “It takes a whole community to raise a child.”  I believe the wisdom it partakes.  Consistency is one of the key elements for a child to distinguish and remember what is good and what is right.  If one of the caretakers do not re enforce a lesson, the child is most likely not to learn it. 

Will it be wise to give in to a child’s wishes especially when our patience is being challenged and in all desperateness, just because we have a lot of things to do,i.e.  surrender our cellphones so that they will be off our backs? It does not take a rocket scientist to know that that is not what one should do.  If we give in to their wishes, we are letting them discipline us and not the other way around. 

“Spare the rod and spoil the child” has been with us for a very long time.  The non-advocates would have probably frowned upon this nugget of wisdom because it has been abused. The older generation, and by that, I mean generations much older than I am, believed the rod to mean a literal one. Thus termed as the "carrot and the stick" once referred to as reward and punishment where they took the punishment literaly with a slap or beating for a misdeed.  Times have changed and the rod is now more of a symbol of discipline. Not giving into the demand of a little boy is a rod.  Not surrendering to the outlandish cries of a toddler and sticking to your decisions is a rod. 

 We must remember that life is about choices. Our choices determine what kind of life we shall lead. We should let our children reap from their correct choices and suffer from the wrong ones. They will learn more from the results of their actions than being told of the consequences.

Parenting is no easy task.  One has been blessed to take care of God’s gift, we should not ruin it.  In the end, a child who has grown believing of false entitlement and undisciplined will prove to be a lonely man, all alone with everybody hating him or her and will never earn true respect and admiration from peers but instead will be loathsome and hated for his/her self-proclaimed privileges.

Labels: child rearing, parenting

While cleaning my gmail, I stumbled over the very old poems I created while interacting with fellow learners in Writersvillage.  This is the same online university where I met my good friend Tom Spencer.  I will never forget him because when I first dared post a poem for the very first time, it was he who responded.... and with such warmth.  Later on, I will also befriend another best friend, Arlene Lawson, who organized a meeting of friends like Karli Shanklin and FilAmhusband, Alfredo,Molly Critchlow, Glennis and her hubby Harry Hobbs, and my very sweet friend Tom and his lovely wife Kathy, to have a poetry reading at Steveston in Vancouver.   

This poem was written in 2009, upon learning that Kathy had cancer and was dying.  Tom also passed away several months, it could have been years thereafter but his demise was very close to his wife's.   So did Arlene, who passed away in 2006.  These are very close friends whom I have learned to love. 

An Ode to my friend, Tom

I hold my guitar
not knowing what to play
but play I must. It's the least
I can do for you and your pain.
Mindlessly, I start with a C minor
progressing to Am then F to G
until a steady rhythm takes shape

Then I overlay it with a simple line
from a pentatonic mode
stretching the strings to bend the notes
Like a wailing ewe frantically calling its young
afraid it had been taken prey by its enemies.

Tune turns into shrieks and howls
with every fake harmonics rising it
an octave higher.
Distorted sounds come from my box,
amplified cries from deep within my heart.

A tear falls from my eyes
for a friend who needs a hand
to steady his gait while he watches
his loved one slowly disintegrate,
melting like a tiny candle,
its flickering light vulnerable
to the gentlest of breeze.

Lucky is that homeless, dirty child,
unmindful of the scorching heat,
his barefeet numbed to the flaming asphalt,
mouth frothing with sticky saliva,
begging for spare food.

He may be hungry
but at least he still has the gift of life
She will have to bid him goodbye soon
never to see her again until
they see each other in paradise.

I feel the pain of a friend 
whose warm embrace with soft taps on my shoulder
I had the pleasure to enjoy
one cold, spring day in Vancouver. 
He with failing eyes glowed as he welcomed me,
in his arms. She, her stately pose
seemed so sure of herself,
shared with him the joy of meeting
a friend from far away
for the first time.

My guitar now shamelessly weeps
as the melody rises in crescendo
I cry, "While she has morphine to calm her nerves
he can only cry to wash away the pain."

My lament over, I get the key to put
the guitar on its case thinking
I wish he had his own, set fond memories

kept inside his the chambers of his heart free! 

rolly

Why did I have to die?

I did not sacrifice my life
so that you can honor
the land where I fell,
put flowers, burn candle
in my stead.

I did not offer my youth
so that you can splurge
your wealth and look down
on inferior beings you trample on.

I did not fall
so that the rich can
look down on the less fortunate.
that they cannot suffer
with the rest.
that their paths shall be cleaned of unwanted souls,
so that they can eat
while the multitude starve

I died so that my kin can live in peace.
I died so that my countrymen
can live harmoniously among themselves,
sleep comfortably together,
that my neighbors have no fear
for they are ruled with justice
and fair play.